Part
1
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Willow
sat in Buffy’s bed, clutching a
cross and vial of holy water tightly to her chest.
She hadn’t been all that attached to her fish, but finding them dead
and strung together like Christmas lights in an envelope on her bed hadn’t
been a big barrel of laughs, either. She
was wigged. Beyond wigged.
In order to keep her mind off of the image of Angelus in her room, doing
terrible things to her while she slept, she tried talking.
She
said, “I just wanted to thank you, you know- for having me over; what with it
being a school night and all.” Mentally
she chastised herself, “Oh, smooth,
Rosenberg
; that’ll impress her.
‘Hello! Can we say inane?’”
Truth
be told, one of the things
Willow
most wanted to do in her life was impress Buffy Summers.
Somehow, someway. Though she
would never admit it to anyone; she barely admitted it to herself even;
Willow
had a major crush on the blonde
slayer.
She
had finally found someone to excise her unrequited love for Xander Harris.
It was just too bad that her new obsession happened to be a.) a girl, and
b.) the chosen one- savior of the world- “Jeez, maybe just a little out of my
league?” she thought. And, oh
yeah! Let’s not forget c.) totally in love with a 240 year old vampire!
If there was an opposite end to the spectrum of ‘shy, innocent little
girl
Willow
;’ it would be ‘Big, bad, very
not a girl, Vampire Angel.’
Now,
she was to spend the night in the bed of said crush, hiding from big, bad
Angelus- Angel’s evil twin. She
was pretty sure she would get no sleep tonight.
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Buffy
was having her own problems. Her
body was acting weird. Like, for
instance, how when Will called her and told her what Angelus had done, she had
felt intense anger at the vampire formerly known as Angel.
But, the anger felt weird- it made her warm and sweaty.
She
had instantly invited
Willow
to stay the night with her- “To
protect her,” she firmly told herself. See!
There was that too- why did she feel the need to justify having
Willow
come over?
What possible other response would there have been but to have her best
friend come spend the night in the face of this kind of threat?
Then,
when
Willow
had gotten there she had
immediately hugged the frightened redhead- they always hugged; they were best
friends! But this time was somehow
different.
Willow
had clung to her tightly, not
letting go for several minutes. Buffy
had held her tightly to herself and whispered a constant stream of reassurances
in her ear, like “It’ll be alright now, I’m here
Willow
,” and, “Shhh, Buffy’ll make
it all better, I promise!” Neither
of them had made any move to release one another and Buffy found herself
thinking how good
Willow
’s hair smelled.
“Hello! Mortal danger here, what the heck are you sniffing hair for?”
her mind had raged.
When
they had finally mutually let go of each other, Buffy had immediately grabbed
Willow
’s hand and led her upstairs, as
though
Willow
might have forgotten the way.
The
weirdest thing is that
Willow
had made no comment; she hadn’t
even raised an eyebrow at this strange need to be in physical contact.
Now
she was lying in bed, with
Willow
cuddled up against her, and running her fingers through the long auburn strands
of
Willow
’s hair, lulling her to sleep.
As she surrendered her self into Morpheus’ arms, she heard her self
whisper, ‘love ya, Will.”
She missed
Willow
’s barely whispered, “I love
you, too…”
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Willow
was having the best dream.
She was sleeping in Buffy’s arms, safe and warm.
She could actually smell Buffy’s skin- the vanilla scented body-wash
that she liked to use combining with her own scent to create an aroma that
reminded
Willow
of the smell of freshly baked bread
and the taste of vanilla milkshakes. She
could even feel the smooth skin against her face as she rubbed against it.
She was startled to full wakefulness when the dream girl moaned and
pulled her closer.
Buffy
woke at the same moment, finding herself clutching the warm, sleepy redhead
against her body, and smelling- once again- the sweet strawberry scent of her
silky hair, now tousled after a night’s sleep.
Willow
pushed slightly away, just enough
to scoot up till they were eye to eye. Then
she smiled and said “Mmm, g’mornin.”
Buffy
couldn’t help but return
Willow
,
infectious smile. “Morning,
Will.” Looking down, as if just
now noticing their positions, she added, “This is…” She raised her
eyebrows, trying to think of the right word.
“Nice.”
Willow
supplied without thinking.
Suddenly she realized the magnitude of her possible slip and began to
babble, “Oh! Is it? Nice, I mean? It’s not badness is it? It’s, uh… we,
uh… I mean, it’s…”
Buffy
smiled even wider at her friend’s typical behavior.
“Nice,” she interjected. Then
crinkling her nose in thought, she said, “It’s just…
we’ve never… It’s not
like we did anything wrong…”
Willow
jumped in to agree with that,
“No! No wrongness here!”
Buffy
rolled onto her back, away from
Willow
, and stretched her arms above her
head, arching her back. “Mmm! Too
early to think. Brain hurts.
Need shower.”
Willow
’s eyes dilated and her breathing
sped up as she watched Buffy’s breasts push against the thin cotton of her
tanktop. Her nipples were hard and
clearly visible through the white fabric. “Yeah…
Shower…”
Willow
dumbly repeated.
Buffy
rolled back over to see
Willow
with her eyes glazed over and her mouth hanging open.
“What’s wrong Will?” she asked.
Willow
snapped out of her trance and
rolled onto her back, groaning at her behavior.
She felt an overwhelming urge to flee and hopped up out of bed.
“Shower! Yes, shower is
good. Ok if I…” she trailed off,
already half way out the door.
Buffy
was baffled by her friend’s strange behavior.
“Sure Will… you go ahead…” she said in kind of a stunned voice.
Willow
just had to be out of that room,
right now. Before she humiliated
herself even more. “Ok, thanks
Buff. I’ll be quick!” she tossed
over her shoulder as she ran out of the room.
“Ok,”
Buffy thought, “Now *that* was weird!”
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“OhGod!OhGod!OhGod!”
Willow
thought as she rushed to the
bathroom. She could feel the heavy
wetness in her panties and was embarrassed beyond all belief.
She
quickly sat down on the lid of the toilet and buried her face in her hands,
leaning her elbows down on her knees as rocked back and forth.
“Oh God! Buffy caught me
checking her out!” she raged. At
the same time she couldn’t help but remember the sight of Buffy’s lithe form
arching back like that. “Mmmm!
Yummy Buffy goodness” She thought.
Of
course, she immediately chastised herself, “No! Bad Willow- there will be no
thoughts of Buffy’s round, perfect, breasts, squished against her shirt,
nipples all hard and… Argh!”
Obviously,
Willow
’s brain was refusing to cooperate
with her- as was her traitorous body. She
could feel her sex, hot and thick with arousal, getting wetter and wetter as her
rocking motion pressed against the hard plastic of her seat.
As
soon as she realized what she was doing she jumped up to her feet.
Whimpering at the loss of friction. She
looked down and noticed, to her increased humiliation, that she had actually
made a puddle of wetness on the lid to the toilet seat.
She gave out a strangled little yelp and quickly tore off a handful of
toilet paper and wiped the seat down, then threw the paper in the trash.
Changing her mind she pulled it out of the trash and flipped up the lid,
flushing the toilet paper down.
Crying
tears of frustration,
Willow
stripped off her shirt and panties,
and stepped into the shower. She was
mortified at the thought of what she was about to do, but there was no way she
could walk out of the bathroom and see Buffy again in this condition.
She
would have to take care of it.
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Buffy
laid in bed for a little bit, trying to figure out what was up with
Willow
.
She had seemed fine, even with the strangeness of how they woke up
together- that event still *not* making her feel weird; the fact of which was
giving her major Wiggins.
She
decided to try and forget about it. She
leisurely rolled out of bed and went to the hall closet to get a towel for
Willow
.
She thought nothing of walking into the bathroom while
Willow
was showering- how many times had
they showered together after gym class. How
could this be any different?
“Ok,
so this is different,” she thought as she stopped dead in her tracks.
Through
the clear glass of the shower door, Buffy could see
Willow
.
She was leaned back against the wall of the shower, her head thrown back
and eyes closed with a grimace of pleasure plastered on her face. She had one
leg up on the edge of the tub, and one hand rubbing her breasts under the spray
of the water- pinching and twisting her rosy nipples.
The other hand was vigorously, and noisily, pumping two fingers in and
out between the ever-so-pink lips, framed by a field of fine, red curls.
Her fingers were making a wet; sucking sound as she plunged them in and
out of her soaked sex. She was also making what Buffy thought were the cutest
little whimpering noises in between gasping breaths.
Buffy
quietly turned and slipped out of the bathroom, not realizing that she had
dropped the towel on the sink. She
found herself at the top of the stairs, ready to run through the front door and
out into the street. In her tanktop
and boxer shorts.
She
fought off the fight or flight response and made herself go back into her room.
She was blushing furiously, embarrassed for herself and for
Willow
having been caught in the act.
At the same time, she was kind of confused at why the redhead would do
that at Buffy’s house. It wasn’t
like Buffy hadn’t done that herself, but she usually waited until she got
home- even after a heavy night of slaying when the urge was almost overpowering.
Buffy
couldn’t get the image of
Willow
masturbating out of her mind. The
sounds she made- the sounds her fingers made as they slid in and out of her.
She had looked so passionate, so raw, so… sexy.
“What
the…” she thought
When
she heard the shower turn off and the door open, she realized that she had left
the towel behind.
“Oh,
crap!” Buffy whispered
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Part
2
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Willow
stepped out of the shower and
realized that, in her haste to escape Buffy, she had forgotten to get a…
She noticed the object of her thoughts sitting on the counter next to the
sink.
Willow
panicked.
Her mind was whirling with the image of Buffy coming into the bathroom
just in time to see her with her hand stuffed up in side her self.
She knew that she had been unable to keep herself from moaning Buffy’s
name as she came, “Oh, God! What
if she heard me?
Willow
’s adrenal glands really let go at
that moment, flooding her body with adrenaline.
She began to hyperventilate, as her mind filled with thoughts of Buffy
looking at her with disgust, of Buffy telling her to get out and never come
back, Buffy screaming “I hate you!”
Willow
’s eyes rolled back into her head
and she passed out.
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Buffy’s
self flagellation came to an abrupt halt as she heard a loud thump come from the
bathroom.
“
Willow
?” she asked hesitantly.
Then louder when there was no response, and even her slayer hearing
couldn’t detect any sounds emanating from the bathroom, “Will?
Are you alright?”
She
walked out of her room and knocked on the restroom door.
“
Willow
, come on, you’re scaring me…”
She opened the door expecting to see
Willow
, wrapped in the towel and maybe
looking embarrassed, or trying to hide. When
she saw her passed out on the floor- stark naked, she gasped, “Ohmygod!
Willow
.”
Kneeling
down to the prone girl, Buffy noticed her chest was rising and falling, so she
was breathing at least. Buffy took
her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, asking once again, “
Willow
?
You ok? Can you hear me?”
She
continued to watch, her eyes going back and forth between looking a her best
friend’s face and watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest.
Suddenly
Willow
’s breathing quickened and she
began to mumble and thrash her head around.
Buffy
tried to make out the words, as she called her name and tried to wake the
redhead.
“No!
please! I’m sorry… I didn’t
mean… no, don’t hate me, I love you! Buffy!”
Willow
sat up and her eyes flew open as
she shouted the slayer’s name.
Buffy,
not taking the time to analyze what she heard, just answered, “I’m right
here, Will! I’ve got you.”
Willow
noticed where she was, and in what
state of dress she wasn’t, and tried to cover herself with her free hand.
Buffy still held one hand of hers. “Buffy!
Why am I sitting on the floor… naked?”
Buffy
helped the furiously blushing redhead to her feet and let her go to turn around
and pick up the towel. She handed
Willow
the towel behind her back, not
wanting to further embarrass the girl, while she explained, “I heard a thump
and you didn’t call when I answered, so I came in and found you unconscious on
the floor.”
As
she spoke, Buffy glanced sideways at the mirror, noticing what a lovely body
Willow
had underneath those baggy clothes
she always wore. The flat stomach;
the slender, round thighs tapering down toward her knees; then swelling slightly
into graceful calves… These things
she had noticed on Halloween when
Willow
had dressed sexy to impress Xander-
which, of course had failed when
Willow
chickened out and put on that stupid ghost costume.
Now
she noticed that those thighs rose into a shapely derrière.
That flat stomach rose above a sparse carpet of closely trimmed red curls
and led up to a pair of small, but perfectly shaped breasts, whose coral pink
nipples were heavily effected by the cold air of the bathroom after the warm
shower.
Buffy
shook her head and blushed powerfully when she realized she had just been
checking out her best friend’s body! “God,
inappropriate much?” she shouted at herself.
It wasn’t the first time she had seen
Willow
naked for Pete’s sake!
Somehow, though, it was different this time.
Willow
dried off perfunctorily and wrapped
the towel around her. She grabbed
her stuff, mumbling, “Ok, your turn now,” And generally tried to get the
hell out of there.
Buffy
spun around and asked, “Are you sure you’re ok, Willow?
You were unconscious.”
Willow
could hear the concern in Buffy’s
voice and she felt even more terrible; humiliation upon mortification, now add
regret for worrying Buffy. She
stopped, turned to the slayer and tried to evoke a genuine smile as she said,
“I’m sure, Buffy. I just must
have slipped and fell. I’ve had
worse bumps on patrol. I’ll be
fine.” Seeing disbelief on her
friend’s face, she added, “Seriously, just a bump on the head.
I’ll be ok. You go ahead
and shower and I’ll get dressed, and we’ll walk to school.
Ok?”
Buffy
didn’t buy it, but couldn’t think of any argument that would be useful, so
she just said, “Ok, Will.” Something
compelled her to verbalize her thoughts at that moment, and she put her hand on
Willow
’s bare shoulder, stroking down
her arm as she added, “It just kills me to see you hurt, or in pain.
I couldn’t do any of this without you.”
Willow
’s smile warmed into a truly
genuine one, and the words. “I love you, Buffy” were right on the tip of her
tongue, straining to come out. All
she could do to keep them in was to say nothing at all.
She just gave Buffy her smile, a nod, and then walked out of the room.
“Ok,
where the heck did that come from?” Buffy wondered.
Not that it was in any way untrue- she knew she could never make it
without her
Willow
.
“My
Willow
?
Possessive, much?”
Buffy
turned and prepared for her shower. Her
thought turned back to
Willow
’s self-pleasure.
She couldn’t get it out of her mind.
“I wonder who she was thinking of…” she trailed off as she got into
the shower and let the hot water cascade over her.
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Willow
managed to hold it together the
rest of the morning. Buffy didn’t
mention anything about her ‘activities’ in the shower, so
Willow
hoped that meant that Buffy
hadn’t been there for any of it. Beyond
looking at the bump on
Willow
’s head from when she ‘slipped
and fell’ she didn’t mention that either.
Willow
decided that it would be best if
she just pretended those things had never happened.
Unfortunately
for Buffy, those two events were all she could think about.
During the entire trip to school, all she could do was replay seeing
Willow
in the shower, and checking her out in the mirror.
Over and Over. “Who was she
talking about when she was coming to?” Buffy wondered.
“God, I hope she’s still not obsessing about Xander,” she thought.
She had seemed to be over any romantic feelings for their
‘Xander-shaped friend’ after the disastrous events of the love-spell gone
wrong. Buffy still had flashbacks of
almost taking that raincoat off in front of him.
While she appreciated (and was frankly surprised by) his restraint, she
was still uncomfortable with the whole thing.
“She
must have been thinking about that Oz boy she brought to the birthday party,”
she decided. She ignored as best she
could the disapproving tone that thought had taken.
Out loud she asked, “So, how’s the whole you and Oz thing going?”
She tried to remain nonchalant, but it was somewhat strained.
“Over.”
Willow
answered curtly.
Of
course it wasn’t in Buffy to allow such a concise answer to stand
unchallenged! “Whadaya mean, Over?”
Willow
sighed, she was unhappy that Oz
seemed to have abandoned her, but she was really only using him anyway.
He was someone who was at least marginally interested in her, and she was
hurt and angry at Xander and trying to deny her feelings for the slayer, so she
turned to Oz. “Over as in he took
off- disappeared.”
Buffy
was taken aback by that, “Where did he go?”
Willow
shook her head, “I don’t know.
I guess he was more wigged by the Hellmouth stuff than he let on.
He acted weird after your birthday party. He almost stopped talking to me
at all after the judge, and then on the third night of the wolf-moon, he ran
away from me in the library. I went
to his house, but he was gone.”
Buffy
remembered that night. The night she
was just a little too late to stop that a-hole Kane from killing the werewolf.
Willow
could see the guilt in Buffy’s
eyes at the memory of that night. She
stopped walking and grabbed Buffy’s arm, “Hey!
We’ve been through this! It’s
not your fault that jerk shot the werewolf!
Besides, we don’t know what kind of person the wolf was anyway.
Maybe he knew exactly what he was doing, and let the wolf run free on
purpose. Either way, no other people
got hurt, and… and you just have to accept it that you can’t be everywhere
at once. You may be the slayer, but
you’re not superwoman!”
Startled
by the redhead’s vehemence, Buffy snapped out of her fugue-state.
She grinned sheepishly at her best friend and said, “Sorry, Will.
I know you’re right, but I still feel guilty sometimes.”
Willow
gave the blonde a mock-glare and
said, “Yeah? Well, if you don’t
cut it out, I’m gonna put you over my knee!”
Buffy’s
eyes widened in surprise and she said, “
Willow
!
Dominatrix much?” Leaning
in close to the redhead and lowering her voice, as though speaking
in-confidence, she asked, “Is there something you need to tell me?”
Willow
blushed fiercely, picturing just
such a scene, and feeling a wave of arousal ripple through her.
She ducked her head in embarrassment- worried that the slayer might see
the open lust in her eyes at the thought of her hand smacking against the
slayers bare bottom- watching her supple flesh quiver and redden in response.
“Jeez! If I keep this up,
I’m gonna need to take care of myself again before we get to class!”
Buffy
mistook
Willow
’s blush and duck for a reaction
to her teasing, rather than having the faintest idea that she was seriously
imagining such an event. She
giggled at
Willow
and threw her arm around the girl,
starting to walk again. “Come on,
‘Mistress Willow,’ we’ve got to get to class lest we face the wrath of
Snyder!”
Buffy
missed entirely the quiet gasp her friend made at being addressed as Mistress
Willow.
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They
managed to make it all the way to the school without any more discussion of the
morning’s events… until Xander caught up with them.
Xander
came running up behind them and put his arms around them, insinuating himself
between them as they climbed the steps up to the school.
Willow
’s feelings as Xander sought to
get close to Buffy were ones of jealousy. However,
this time she was jealous about Buffy instead of Xander.
Xander
said, “Well, good morning ladies, and what did you two do last night?”
Willow
blushed just a bit at memories of
this morning, but said, “We had kind of a pajama party sleepover with weapons
thing."
Xander
responded, only half joking “Oh. And I don't suppose either of you had the
presence of mind to locate a camera to capture the moment!”
He was surprised when Buffy began to blush fiercely.
Wanting
to escape,
Willow
said, “I have to go, I have a
class to teach in about five minutes and I have to arrive early to glare at the
stragglers.” She took off without
even noticing that Jenny Calendar was coming across the lawn, negating her need
to teach the class that morning.
She
managed to put the events of that morning behind her and spend the rest of the
day interacting with Buffy and Xander as she always had.
Every
time Buffy looked at
Willow
for the rest of the day, her mind
recalled the image of
Willow
naked in the mirror, or
Willow
naked in the shower.
Buffy spent the day trying to forget the image and sounds of
Willow
in the shower- moaning in ecstasy
as she pleasured herself.
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Later
that night,
Willow
and Buffy had cast the uninvite
spell on Cordelia’s car, and
Willow
’s house.
After finding another gift from Angelus- this time a drawing of Buffy’s
sleeping mom- in
Willow
’s room, Buffy and
Willow
raced to the Summers’ house.
Relieved
to find that Joyce wasn’t home from work yet, they were just finishing the
uninvite spell when Buffy’s mom came running into the house nervously escaping
a smirking Angel.
That
smirk disappeared when he ran into the newly placed barrier.
“Sorry
Angel, changed the locks,” Buffy said as she closed the door on him.
When she turned around her face fell as she saw the look her mother was
shooting at her. She looked to
Willow
for a rescue and saw compassion
there, but no solution.
Willow
felt sorry for Buffy as she watched
her follow her mom up the stairs. She
was pretty sure that Buffy’s mom was going to have some serious questions for
her.
While
Willow
was waiting, Giles stopped by and
asked about how the ritual had gone.
Willow
said “The ritual went fine until
Angel showed up and told Buffy’s mom that he and Buffy had, well, you know…
that they had You Know…” Suddenly the thought struck her that maybe Giles
didn’t already know and she nervously asked, “you do know, Right?”
Giles
assured her that he was aware of the situation, and offered to intervene on
Buffy’s behalf.
Not
wanting to come right out and tell him that that was a dumb idea,
Willow
asked him, “Like, what would’ja
say?”
She
then opened the door for him to leave as he sputtered.
“I’ll tell Buffy you came by,” she told him.
She really wanted to be upstairs supporting her friend, but how could she
possibly intervene in such a confrontation with Buffy and her mom?
Especially when, if her dreams ever came true, there would be an even
greater confrontation about Buffy’s relationship with her.
Willow
tried to imagine what Buffy’s mom
would say to the thought of her daughter dating another girl.
She shivered to think what her parents would say- first she nails
crucifixes to the doors and windows, then she starts dating a girl.
“They would disown me!” she thought with heartfelt fear.
She
knew that she would gladly risk alienating her parents- if Buffy would ever love
her like she loved the slayer.
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A
couple hours later
Willow
and Buffy were hanging out in the
kitchen, recounting Buffy and her mom’s conversation.
“I can’t believe, she didn’t wig out!”
Willow
said.
“Oh
there was wig, there was definite wig involved,” Buffy answered.
“But, nothing terminal, I think.”
Willow
was about to say something when the
phone rang.
Buffy
went to answer the phone.
Willow
heard her say, “Hi Giles,” then
she didn’t say anything for a minute.
Willow
went to her and took the phone
before she dropped it. “Hello?”
she said, wondering what could have upset Buffy so.
When
Giles told her what happened, she felt her heart break.
For him, for Buffy and for herself. She
loved Ms. Calender, and the thought of what Angel had done…
She began to cry, “No! No!”
Buffy
was crouching where she had slid down the wall, enveloped in a haze of pain and
shame. Jenny was dead, and it was
her fault. When
Willow
began to cry out in horrified
dismay, she snapped out of her misery and leapt up to her best friend in the
entire world. She wrapped
Willow
in her arms as the sensitive girl
began to cry her eyes out.
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Willow
was in a daze after the phone call.
She remembered going to Giles’ place only to find him gone- he’d gone
after Angel. She couldn’t believe
Xander would be so insensitive like that. She
knew he was angry, but didn’t he see how much Buffy was hurting over this?
She was obviously blaming herself, and it seemed like Xander was blaming
her too. “This isn’t Buffy’s
fault!” she shouted in her mind even as Buffy calmly agreed with Xander.
“There’s
just one problem with Giles’ little revenge scheme,” Buffy said.
“What’s
that?” Xander asked coldly.
“It’s
going to get him killed.”
No
one spoke for several moments.
Finally
Buffy took charge, saying “Cordelia. Please
take Xander and
Willow
home, I’m going to go make sure
Giles doesn’t get dead.”
Willow
sprinted to the door, grabbing
Buffy’s arm and turning her around, “Buffy..”
“I
have to, Will.” Buffy said, trying to dissuade the redhead from stopping her.
“I
know. Just…”
Willow
’s voice broke.
Her eyes started to tear up, “Just… Don’t die!”
Buffy
almost cried herself at the pain in
Willow
’s gaze.
“I won’t. Promise!”
Willow
sniffled and tried to compose
herself. “Better not!
Or I’ll kick your ass!”
“
Willow
!” Buffy whispered, shocked.
Willow
hugged Buffy briefly and said,
“If you need to… after… If you don’t want to be alone…”
she averted her gaze, not wanting to seem too desperate- though the truth
was she badly needed to offer comfort to, and take comfort in Buffy that night.
Buffy
did shed a tear at that, “Thank you,
Willow
” she said with deep sincerity.
Willow
let her go and walked over to the
confused Xander and Cordelia, saying, “Ok, let’s go.”
As
Buffy ran out of the apartment, she heard
Willow
answering Xander’s “What was
that all about?” with, “You know, She blames herself for this more than
she’ll ever let us know, Xander. You’re
not helping any…”
“I
love you
Willow
,” Buffy thought as she ran toward
the factory. “You’re the best
friend I could ever imagine.”
========== BtVS ==========
BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ==========
Willow
was sitting in exactly the same
place she had been for the two hours since she had been dropped off by Cordelia
and Xander- in her chair, at the door to her balcony.
Not actually out on the balcony, she didn’t want to tempt fate if
Angelus should escape Buffy and come looking for a little entertainment.
She
couldn’t stop her mind from spinning in circles.
She was worried about Buffy. She
was in love with Buffy. She wanted
to do things with Buffy that she had never imagined before.
Those three ideas wound their way through her head until she was dizzy.
She
couldn’t get out of her mind that comment Buffy had made this morning about
Mistress Willow. She couldn’t get
out of her head the image that was conjured up when she herself had threatened
to spank the slayer. She had never
thought that way before; sure she had seen pictures- hello? Net-girl here!
Can’t spend a third of your life surfing the net and not see the odd
sexy site or ten. Curiosity was much
more powerful than guilt.
She
remembered the first time she had seen some of the more graphic pictures.
She had been such an innocent then. She
still blushed at the memory of how guilty and aroused she got.
Then even more guilt and still more arousal when she noticed that she was
just as turned on by the lesbian pictures as she was the hetero stuff.
It wasn’t long before
Willow
had figured out how to relieve the
pressure such viewing material caused in her.
She had almost managed to stop feeling guilty about looking at erotic
pictures and mpegs. That she always
had her most powerful orgasms when she was watching the lesbian stuff was a fact
she refused to dwell on.
She
found one site that was done by a pair of lesbian lovers and consisted solely of
their interaction. One of them was
clearly a natural redhead, and the other was a bottle blond.
She had bookmarked that one in her favorite places folder.
“I
suppose it’s natural that I would be attracted to Buffy,” she thought.
After all, wouldn’t anyone who liked girls like Buffy?
Not just for her obvious physical attributes, but the fact that she was
such a dynamic and charismatic person- she literally saved the world!
The Whole World! Not many
could make that kind of claim. Who
else fought against demons and vampires every night with no reward of any kind?
Sure she might be a little self-centered now and then, but who wasn’t?
“Cordelia thinks the world revolves around her, and what has she ever
done for anyone?”
Willow
thought huffily.
She
did have to admit, albeit grudgingly, that Cordy was nicer to hang around with
since she and Xander started dating. She
rarely attacked or made fun of
Willow
anymore.
Still, the statuesque brunette was not someone she took great joy in
spending time with.
Willow
’s mental ramblings came to an
abrupt halt as she saw the slayer making her way across the yard towards
Willow
’s balcony.
Her heart leapt in her chest and her face broke out into a smile.
When Buffy got to her door,
Willow
’s smile faded.
She looked terrible; well, she looked beautiful- just like always- but
the pain was radiating out of her eyes.
Willow
stood up and threw open the door
and Buffy collapsed into her arms. “Oh,
God! Not Giles?”
Willow
cried.
Buffy
shook her head, causing her hair to brush back and forth against
Willow
’s neck- creating the dual
sensation of pleasure and guilt for feeling pleasure at such an inappropriate
time.
“Giles
is ok?”
Willow
asked, seeking reassurance.
“He’s
alive. He didn’t get beat up too
badly…” Buffy trailed off.
“But…”
Willow
prompted, sensing there was
definitely more.
Buffy
broke down, her body shaking with great wracking sobs, “He’s not ok!”
Buffy clung to the redhead as though she were a life-preserver preventing
the blonde from drowning. “Oh God
Willow! Jenny’s dead and it’s my
fault.”
Willow
didn’t try to contradict her
friend, instinctively knowing that Buffy needed to get this off of her chest.
She just rocked her gently back and forth and let her cry.
“They
were just getting back together… and that’s my fault too!
I was so mad at her and I acted like such a bitch!
Blaming her for Angel loosing his soul, when that’s my fault too.”
Willow
couldn’t let that one go
unchallenged. She pulled back
and grasped Buffy by the shoulders, shaking her a little as she firmly said,
“Stop it! You didn’t know!
You couldn’t have known, there was no way you could have ever imagined
that could happen, so don’t you dare take responsibility for that!”
Buffy
clearly couldn’t accept that. “I
should have known somehow!” At
Willow
’s scowl she whined, “It feels
like I should have known,
Willow
.
It all feels like it’s my fault.”
Sniffling loudly, she couldn’t meet
Willow
’s
eyes as she whimpered, “You should hate me.”
Willow
was aghast at that.
“What!? How could I hate
you, Buffy? You’re my…” she
was about to say ‘you’re my everything,’ but managed to censor herself
just in the nick of time.
Trying
a different tack,
Willow
dropped her hands from Buffy’s
shoulders and looked the slayer in the eyes.
“Do you hate me for Moloch?” At
Buffy’s wide gaze of surprise she continued on, “I released him into the
internet! Me!
I became obsessed with him to the point of ignoring you and Xander.
I ignored your concerns- I accused you…” she trailed off, the buried
pain from those events rising up inside her.
“I felt responsible for Dave and Fritz!
Remember? But you told me I
couldn’t have done any thing differently- that I couldn’t have possibly
known that would happen- remember?”
Buffy
nodded her head slowly, remembering exactly how she had consoled the crying
redhead, assuring her it wasn’t her fault.
Willow
pulled out the big guns- guilt.
“Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire,” she thought.
“Was that a lie Buffy?” ignoring the slayers attempt to speak she
pressed on, “Cause, if this stuff is your fault, then that means I have to
take responsibility for Fritz and Dave. It
means their blood is on my hands.” Pausing,
she could smell the victory in the air. “So,
tell me Buffy. Tell me how this is
all your fault.”
Buffy,
caught between a rock and a hard place, sat silent for a moment, absorbing
Willow
’s words.
Finally, giving
Willow
a wan smile, she answered, “You
fight dirty, you know that Will?”
Willow
smiled and nodded sharply one time,
“Darn tootin! And, don’t you
forget it!”
Buffy’s
smile became strained and she said, “I still feel horrible though.”
Willow
wrapped Buffy tight in her arms
once again- trying to ignore how good Buffy’s lithe body felt pressed against
her own- trying not to imagine them in the same position, sans clothing.
Resisting mightily the urge to kiss her pouting, tearstained lips, she
said, “Of course you do, Buffy. People
you love are being hurt and killed. Of
course you feel horrible. I do too.
Plus there’s the whole, ‘my boyfriend is an evil sadistic murder’
thing.”
Buffy
pulled away and sat down on
Willow
’s
bed, shaking her head. “No, not my
boyfriend. Angel’s dead.
I have to move on.”
Willow
gasped, “You dusted him?”
Buffy
shook her head again, “No, Angelus got away.
But I will dust him.” Buffy
dropped back onto the bed, sighing heavily.
“It’s time I faced facts. Angel
died that night.” Shooting
Willow